Sunday, January 12, 2014

Not a very fine Sunday . Not a relaxing Sunday like usual . School started 2 weeks ago and it's so fast that I'm already last year in high school . I sure that time will past really fast in 2014 , the year of horse . This year will be the most critical year in my life . I'm having SPM this year , classified as one of the most important exam in my entire life because this exam will determine my future . I thought that someone would accompany me to fight through all those ups and downs along the way . But today , it's a blue day , the first day he left . He's not fully belongs to me anymore , but maybe partially he still belongs to me ? I don't know . I'm so lost right now . I don't know what should I do . I was like , someone just throw me in a dark place and I was alone , I'm afraid , I have no idea what to do until someone guide me out . I don't need people to talk to , I don't even feel like talking to anyone , I just need to be alone and think and think and think .
     This morning , when I just end a phone call with him with tears , my mum just came in and sit down on my bed asking me some stuffs . And on that moment , I couldn't control my tears and they just fall from my eyes automatically . My mum asked me why but I refused to answer her .
     I'm so not used to what I have right now . What that belongs to me , I want it back . Some say missing is a part of moving on .Oh , really ? I don't really think so . Hmm . I thought that 666 days is coming and we will just past this memorable day together but it turns up to be nothing .
The end . 660 days .

Saturday, November 2, 2013

I woke up around 9 something on this beautiful Saturday . This day start with a smile on my face because I've received my reply from you , ex and you , my true friend . I've realize morning text from you (boyfie) wouldn't appear in my phone anymore , maybe ?
Plan to go to Jusco with you in the afternoon . Thought of wanted to see you one last time before I go to KL . When I'm on the way , you told me you're with her . Hmm . I'm jealous ? I'm angry ? I don't know . You know I don't like you to be with the girl and ya , you've disappoint me . So , I've plan to walk alone when I reach , don't feel like wanted to see him . But , I saw him half way . He's with the girl . (:
The girl left . We ate lunch then . No topics during the lunch . Both were busy facing our phones . Then , he call me to go back earlier because he wanted to go for a movie with his brother . So, I nodded . I trust him that his brother bought a couple seat for 3 person which is his brother , his brother's girlfriend and him . I chose not to think too much , and believe him . So , we foot the bill and had a walk in the complex . He left me in a sudden . I was expecting him to find me . He did called-up , but he didn't find me . So , I've decided to go up to the cinema section which is on the third floor to see him for the last time . I saw him , and I saw the girl . I'm nothing . I still choose to trust him because I know I'm a little over-thinking sometimes . I'm satisfy enough after I see him . I went down to Coffee Bean , then I flip through my Facebook and I checked-in . ''Theresa Tan is now at Coffee Bean , Jaya Jusco'' . HAHAHAHA . And at that moment , his brother commented . He ask :''Where is Tommy?'' And that's when the lie reveal .
The girl bought a couple seat and they watch movie together . He lied to me . I , as his girlfriend , haven't been sitting on a couple seat watch movie together for like almost a year . Hmm . I'm disappointed , real disappointed . You've broke my trust towards you and this is not the first time . How could you expect me to trust you next time ?

You lied . I broke promise . The end . :')

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I've scrolled over my Instagram homepage this evening . I saw a picture of you and a girl . Hmm . This girl meant someone special to you and it reminds me of how we used to be 4 years ago . I took a trip down memory lane and I miss you . I know I shouldn't but I hope that one day I'll let it go . This feeling had been going on through my mind for 4 years . I miss this year's March , I miss how close we were for that few days . I know I cannot be selfish , no one will accompany you forever , you have to stand up by yourself and be independent . I understand that the most painful goodbyes are the ones that never said and never explained . It doesn't make sense to let go of something you had for so long . But it also doesn't make sense to hold on when there's actually nothing there . :')
3 more days to freedom . OwhYeahh . I'll end my honeymoon year in 2 months time . In a blink of an eye , I'm turning 17 next year . I'm once a child who born to this beautiful world with nothing on my mind . How much I wish I was still a child who only watch fairy-tales like Cinderella and believe the existence of happy-ever-after .  A child that live life to the fullest and love everyone around me . Life goes on , I grew up , I care , I love , I hate . Life become more and more complicated and realistic .

Relationship was not complicated as last time . But everything started to change when the time of us being together last longer . It's not the same anymore on how you treat me . Sweet text and calls shrink . I always wonder why do other couples can have sweet text and the boy will post something sweet to the girl on certain meaningful days . Why am I different ? I'm the one who doing this all the time . Hmm . Fed-up being a fool . Why am I always the one who held in the most ?

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I'm going to continue with my previous post . Hmm . My friends threw a belated birthday bash for me . There's a total of two birthday parties for my birthday this year . Maybe it's not consider as a party , it's just a simple celebration I think . Nevermind , I'll still appreciate it deeply no-matter what . (:
On 5th of June night , which is Wednesday . My 3 classmates and I had a dinner in Shabu-Shabu steamboat restaurant . Just a normal dinner , but I enjoyed the dinner very much because it is full of laughter and we can't just stop laughing . Arguing over an overcooked noodle , quarreling for a fish ball , fighting for ice-cream ... It automatically brighten my day when I'm with them .

They surprised me with a Oreo Cheese cake when I was on the phone with my boyfriend . First time ever I received a cake from my friends . I feel so blessed . (:

On the next day , 6th of June . I woke up early in the morning to play badminton with my friends . It have been months I didn't touch my racquet . Feel the pain in my backbone again . :( After badminton , we went back to take a shower and then we have another plan , which is to go to Jusco Kbox to celebrate my birthday . This gang of friends were Tommy's friend , which is also my 'sons' . They called me 'mama' . Singing with them is crazy . When we're singing half way , Tommy went to toilet for quite a long time . His friends told me that he had a terrible stomachache and he need to poop . A few minutes later , a 'Happy Birthday' song played , and Tommy was holding a birthday cake walking towards me . My tears drop in a sudden , an unexplained feeling occurs . 

 A group photo of us before everyone leave . All boys , I'm the only girl . But nevermind , all of them treat me as a boy . Hmm . 

So , that's all for today I guess . (:

Monday, June 3, 2013

Had been working at PC Fair for the past 3 days , selling all types of cables for Infinity Computer . Ermm . Enjoyed this 3 days , but it's indescribable tiring . Meet new colleagues and friendly boss . It's a wonderful experience I've gain in this 3 days . Frankly speaking , I've never overcome this tired before , I've been standing selling cables for 12 hours , it's inexpressible burned-out . I motivated myself by ''standing will make me slimmer'' , that's why I made myself to stand for 12 hours in a day . It's fun to countdown with my colleague every hour until we finish our work . Boss will call me when they have a fair next time . Hmm . :D

Today ? My big day . I don't get what does it mean . It's meaningless for me . Had some problems with my parents few days before that and they weren't celebrating my birthday with me , it's the first time I never celebrate with my parents and I miss talking to them , happily . As usual , I know I'm gonna ended this day by sleeping most of the time . And as every year were the same , belated birthday celebrations with friends because mostly one or two of us might cannot make it on my big day . I'm already used to it . Once again , exclaiming with disappointment , he's still not the first one to wish me . Or maybe I'm too sensitive with this ? I don't know . He will never be the first one to call me sharp at 12am . And this year , glad that my best friend , YinNee , called me at 12 and sang a birthday song for me , I'm touched . And another friend who is quite close with me these days , ShinYi , called me at 12 also , but he's lat for 1 minute , unexpected him to call me . Thanks a lot . :D

Going out to celebrate my birthday later . Din't expect that my parents will be going too . I'm happy enough . :') Thanks daddy and mummy who never failed to love me all the time and forgive the faults I've made . Thanks to my brother who purposely post a present to me through air-mail which I haven't receive . I'm thankful to God that gave me all this people around me , love me & care for me . (:

Monday, May 27, 2013

Yeah . It's been some time I didn't update my blog space . Time to renew it again . Hmm .
So , holiday have started for few days . And on the first day of holiday , I've went to KL for vacation . Just 2 days and a night , short enough . I'm a 'genius' , I forget to bring my wallet there , so , I can't buy ANYTHING . Skip all the KL part .

Let's talk about my exam . Hmm . Results not really showed-up as I've expected this to happen . But overall , I'm consider satisfied with my result . Am I ? I don't know . Maybe not really . By the way , should I be proud to tell the whole world that I failed my additional maths with 34 marks ? Just 6 more marks ! 6 more marks , and I will get a PASS . Frankly speaking , how do all those freaks score 100 in additional maths ? Are they crazy ? Doing maths without making any mistakes ? Wow . That's fantastic . I salute them . Hmm . Hopefully that I will get at least an 'A' as a motivation for myself to study more . The last week of school before holiday is just 3 days , for me . That's awesome !!

Furthermore , I'm gonna talk about things that happened to me these days . There's blue and there's cloud nine . (: Let's talk about the delighted ones first .
Erm . So , my birthday is just round the corner , and I'm seriously touched by my friends . They've decided to celebrate my birthday for me as I've failed to celebrate my birthday happily with my friends for the last few years . It really melt my heart when I know this . I love surprise . Love surprises very much . That's why I don't like to guess what they're trying to do . Hmm . Can't wait for that day to come . There's no wishlist for me this year . I just sincerely hope that I will have a blessed , unexpected , enjoyable and unforgettable birthday bash . It's just that simple . :')

These girls are the ones who is planning for my birthday . And the one who is not in uniform is our English teacher for 3 months . This photo was taken a month ago .

In contrast , here comes the blue ones . You , can I conclude to myself that you don't understand me ? Hmm . Maybe nope . You're the one who understand me the most , not everytime . (: I remember your words deeply that night . You told me :'' No surprises , no presents , no anything , nothing for you on your birthday '' . Hmm . You don't know this sentence from your mouth have hurt me . Heart-warming myself that this is not true , you're gonna give me surprises on my sweet 16 . Optimistically there's miracles happen very soon as I never had a dream come true . :')

And you again , you've make me lack of security and trust on you . Our relationship aren't that perfect like last time . I can't find any solution to solve the problem . What can I do ? Or maybe I'm too selfish ? Too selfish that I need you all of the time ? I don't want to rely on you all the time , I'm trying my best not to , but it makes me feel insecurity and I sees distance between us . I don't like being in this way . My attitude had became serious and more serious as what we called - '' Princess attitude '' . I'm seriously depending on you too much , way much . And a weird feel is coming towards me but I don't know how to express it out and I don't know whom can I express it out , not you , but other . How much I wish I can turn back time and live on this earth without any stress , feelings and more and more .

How much I wish I could be happy as a lark and smile everyday to face life . Photo taken in 2011 .

In conclusion , I hope that I could look on the bright side , and make everything from the worst to the best . I know I can do it . Although I'm not at the top of the world , but I will try my best to make it . Never give up in achieving things you think it's impossible . Make the impossible to possible and you'll have light at the end of the tunnel . (:

Sunday, April 28, 2013

DAY 2 . 

Rainy morning .
Morning call at 7:30am then we must be at the dining hall again for devotion . Devotion is a group discussion to discuss about a topic using the Bible . Devotion held for half an hour . We had breakfast after that , again , sing 'Prayer' before you eat ! Half an hour break again before session 2 . I was superb sleepy although I slept quite early the night before it . I was yawning and falling asleep during the session held by pastor Robert . I didn't even pay attention to a single word he said .
Next , there's outdoor activity in the afternoon .

The pictures above are all outdoor games . All the games above requires teamwork . If one fails , the whole team fail . So , teamwork is the most important among all . Tired but enjoyable . (: Furthermore , that's what I hate throughout the whole camp , drill - marching . All of us have to march for 2 and a half hours . It;s so tiring . There's no much time to rest on the second day . Praise and worship again at night . Then session . But in addition , we have high-praise .




Very fine morning . 
Morning call at 7:30am . Devotion again for the second topic . Gather at the dining hall at 9:30 for breakfast and closing ceremony . 

Took the very last group photo . Time past really fast and it's almost the end . All the campers wearing this year's camp t-shirt : Mission Impossible . Waiting to go to our next and last destination , Mid Valley Megamall for lunch and shopping . 

Dear Lord , we pray for a safe journey all the way home Lord . We thank You for giving us an enjoyable camp Lord . In Jesus name we pray , Amen . 

Group photo . GB Annual Camp'13 . Mission Impossible . :')